Isn't it amazing how quickly life can get complicated?

I realize I haven't posted anything since before the Hafla (which was awesome), but I'm gonna focus on the present rather than reminiscing.

So, there is a woman by the name of Brandy who I know through the game I play most, World of Warcraft. She is separating from her husband, and has formed an attachment of sorts with me and a friend of mine in the game as well. I have told her that she has a place to stay when she comes here, and she is arriving on Nov 12. The other friend from online is -also- arriving on that day, to spend a week or so with me so far as I know.

I've been worrying about this for a while, both from a financial and emotional standpoint. I've been working on that, figuring out where my points of concern/bother are. Some moderate success, along with some figuring out of what my budget will need to look like to be able to afford this.

At the same time, one of the girls at work has been being very friendly towards me. I've been flirting back a bit, because it makes people feel good to be flirted with (generally) and I like to make people feel good. I've started to get the impression that perhaps she might be interested in more... although she has told me previously that she was simply learning about me as a friend. I'm visiting her tonight, as support and company because she is going through hard times. I don't know if there is an intended destination for this visit or our interactions.

ALSO at the same time, recently I have been re-connecting with an old friend from when I worked at NCO. This woman is beautiful, and has matured a lot since I knew her. She is worried for me over the situation I described with Brandy. She has said she is interested in dating me... if I'm single and don't have anyone staying with me. Why now, when I have things SO thoroughly in motion, does this happen? I'm trying to figure things out... I'd like to see if things could work with her, but... there seem to be challenges.

Ahhh the complexity of life.

* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

"Here in the countryside she was a ghost: since she could not be Briony, she was no one."

-Shadowplay, Tad Williams (still haven't finished this one ><)

I did a thing that was hard for me to do tonight.

I gave someone feedback, with regards to their performance in a leisure activity and how it made me feel.  It was really hard to write (I gave this feedback via e-mail).  I find I have the most difficulty with this when I feel that my feedback will cause the other person to feel bad.  I generally avoid this, in the interest of wanting my friends to feel good.

The obvious downside to that is that I rarely get to address situations that affect me emotionally.  I hope that with this e-mail I am starting to be more emotionally honest with my friends.  I think that should be important to me.

Now, how did I end up here?

I woke up weighed down with dreams.  I know that in at least one of them I was talking with another instance of myself, although the situation and words escape me completely.  There were others, none of which left me feeling comfortable.  Set it all aside, didn't have time to deal with it, had to go to work.

Drove to the bank, drove back, picked people up, good times.  Good company.  Got to work, settled in.

Been having energy problems at work lately.  Not sure exactly why, just having difficulty focusing sometimes.  I work intensely on what I have in front of me, then find my attention drift and I end up in this half-trance where I'm staring at the screen, at the information, and focusing on the strangest minute details.  In any case, I got to work with someone I have a lot of respect for, which was cool.  Got a fair bit of work done.  Felt at times like I was working faster than I should, or slower than I should, or that I didn't have enough to do or that I had too much to do.

For lunch, I went and visited my friend Brandy.  She is beautiful, full of life and passion, and has set herself out of my reach despite having strongly implied a willingness to either play or explore a relationship with me in the past.  I don't know why I put myself in a situation of wanting what is out of reach, especially when it is out of my reach while having a habit of giving me big hugs and welcoming shoulder rubs.  She has the potential to be a good friend, I think... if she ever made the effort on her part to spend time with me.

I guess it shouldn't surprise me that as I returned to work I developed a massive load of negative energy that I couldn't shake off.  It weighed me down for the rest of the day at work, which culminated in a conversation with a man who wanted his mother to move out of a suite that makes her miserable into a suite that makes her happy.  That's the hardest part of my job, it really is.  It's not dealing with the angry, impolite, stubborn, manipulative people.  The hard part is understanding, at least in part, why they are doing that.  It would be so much easier if I could just dismiss them as assholes and not worth the time of day.

So, the drive home was fine, did my best to release whatever tension and unpleasant I had in me.  Wasn't getting anywhere with it, but I was determined.  Dropped off some toys for Steph, got directions to an event that Brandy had referred me to.  She wasn't going.  I don't know -anyone- that was going to be there.  I decided to go despite my discomfort, choosing to step outside of my comfort-zone.  On the way there, I took a wrong turn and ended up on the # 1, heading back to New West.  I managed to get back on track, and as I was on track heading to my destination, I got rear-ended.  Hard enough to hurt.  No damage to my car, but it took my frustration and negative energy and turned it directly into rage.  Strait-up, pissed-off, anger.  I got out of my car and shouted at the person who hit me for a moment, then got back into my car and drove away because I was too pissed off to deal with anything.  I stopped about three blocks down, and just parked with my blinkers on.

Amazingly, the guy who hit me must have driven around the block because a few minutes later he pulled up.  He was checking my car to see if there was damage, and also asked if I was OK.  I told him my neck hurt, but I was too frustrated and too not in a head-space to deal with anything to remember that I should get his insurance info.  Oh well, hope my neck isn't injured.

And that, that is how I got to AAARGH.  Since I started writing this talking with friends has reduced some of the growl.

About a month or two ago my roommate (ex-girlfriend) advised me that she and her current boyfriend were beginning to consider co-habitation.  There wasn't much I could say to that that wouldn't be totally self-centered ("But I -LIKE- having really low rent!"), so I accepted with good grace.

Well, now the big event is at hand.  Soon I shall once again be truly a bachelor, living on my own, with only my own messes and things to clean up.  This will mean a variety of things.  First, it will mean that the cat is gone.  I'm not going to be terribly sad about that, because while he is cute and cuddly, he is also loud, annoying, and has the habbit of knocking things off my shelves.  Constantly.  It will mean that there will be a lot less dirty dishes lying around, because I generally take care of my own dishes when I cook.  It will probably mean that I cook more as well.  It will mean that I am solely responsible for my rent (all $830 of it).  That won't be a huge change as I've been paying back money I borrowed from what she paid me for rent for a while now.

So... yeah.  I'll have my apartment to myself again.  I'm kinda thinking it will be a good thing.  Soo.... yay?

So after having burnt my hand I had the rough equivalent of an extended weekend.  A brief summary of days:  Thursday was mostly relaxing.  Played games, went to London Drugs to get my perscription for burn-cream filled, played more games, then had dinner and hung out with a pretty lady.  =)  Friday again was relaxing, basically did nothing all day.  Saturday I got a bit of stuff done around the house, which was good... did some laundry, put a load of dishes through the washer (first time use!).  Sunday spent some time with the roommate, drove her to work, came home, lots of relaxing.

Not a bad theme for an extended weekend, relaxing.  Tonight I'm going to have fish and chips and then go home and probably level my little Troll Priest.

It has also been suggested to me that I should run the next campaign for our Tuesday group.  I'm kinda intrigued by the idea, as I'd like  the chance to DM again.

I don't know WHAT I did to piss them off, but someone out there definitely is not happy with me.  =P

So today, on the whole, boils down to a single event.  I put oil on to heat so I could make perogi's.  I got distracted, and forgot I had it on.  I remembered when I smelled smoke.  I ran to turn it off... it burst into flames.  I panic, put the flaming frying pan into my sink and run water into it.

BIG.  MISTAKE.

For those of you who don't know, oil and water do not mix.  At all.  Especially when on fire.  There was a bit of an explosion.  My ceiling has oily soot on it.  I got some oil on my hand, which developed into second degree burns.  Which hurt.

I ended up going to the hospital emergency room, where they actually put me strait through (which still involved a wait) and they put a cream on my hand, wrote me a prescription for the cream, and gave me a note for some time off work.  I am thanking my blessed stars that I have a high pain tolerance, 'cause I'd be in a lot of bloody discomfort right now otherwise.

So yeah, here I am without a drum and now without my drumming hand.  Coincidence?  Perhaps... perhaps not.

Today was definitely an interesting day.  It was a combination of frustratingly unproductive and hugely productive.  Couldn't get any of my web-editors out because the supervisors/managers who review them were either on vacation or doing interviews all day.  Got TONS of letters stuffed as a result, finishing the bulk of something on the order of 100 letters labeled, folded, and stuffed.  Also did a good escalation call, and had fruit.

So after work I wandered back to my car with my car-pooling peeps, and get in and pop the trunk, and I get told that the drums that were there this morning aren't there anymore!  My cheap-but-mine Doumbek and my beautiful-was-a-christmas-present Djembe have both been stolen!  I only left the driver-side window open by about half an inch.  Swearing fits wouldn't have solved anything, getting pissed wouldn't have solved anything, so I bit it back and just let it go.  Wasn't easy, but was worth not getting worked up.

Called my mom and talked for a while.  Told her how I've been, told her about my day.  I love that I have a good, strong relationship with my family.  Told her about my lost drums, too.  'Course, I get a call back from my dad (my mom wasn't home yet when I talked with her) saying he's depositing monies into my account, and I wasn't to even consider paying it back.  My parents rock.

D&D tonight was surprisingly painless.  The personalities that normally drive me up the wall... didn't!  I think it was a mix of me returning a bit to my state of calm (dear spirits I hope so) and them not being as teeth-grindingly annoying.

I suppose introductions are in order.  My name is Robin.  Or Rashid.  Or Faelorn... PassionPoet... PeacefulOak.  But that's just names, handles.  Who am I really?  To some I am son, to others I am friend.  I am lover, love, beloved.  I am co-worker, acquaintance, teacher.  Perhaps to some I am distracting, annoying, or offensive.  Hey, everyone is entitled to their opinions.

To myself... I guess it varies, depending on the day, my mood, what phase of the moon it is.  Today, I am an adversary overcome.  I am a delicate vase balanced on the edge of a shelf.  I am a young man trying to make things better for himself.

Today was really hard for me.  I felt battered by the voices and emotions of the people around me.  I felt battered by my own emotions, betrayed by my instincts.  My senses were feeling sharp and raw... motion in the corner of my eyes kept triggering that good old primal "Fight or Flight" instincts.  What's weird is that I wrote for the first time in a long time today.  I think that maybe I let out some of what I've been hiding from myself when I wrote, and I had (have?) to deal with that.

*Reads back*  Hrm... randomly depressing first post.  Ick.  Had a really good conversation over IM with my roommate.  She rocks my world with how much she cares for me, and her insights into what is happening in/around me.  My friends are good to me.  They help me find balance in myself.

Ok, enough rambling for my first post.  Posty goodness!